Super sick - and Super Changed!

As I sit down to write right now I pray that God would lead all my words.  That he would open things up in my mind and in my heart.


As I look back on the last half year I can hardly believe what God has done in my life, in me personally.  It all began with the thought of going to school to become a Nursing Assistant.  Fear crippled me - God pushed me through.  Kept opening up doors for me and speaking to me direction.  Studying and exams were a huge challenge to me.  I finished the class with an A and soon began my pursuit for a job.  I must say that along the way I kept thinking "I cannot believe that I am going to be doing some of these things.  They are way out of my comfort zone."


In November I landed my first job.  Got my new scrubs. (So easy to get ready for work. :)  Once I was on my own, day by day, I became more efficient on the job.  Getting to know each of the residents and them getting to know me has been awesome.


Last weekend I was horribly sick with the Norovirus.  I got this from work - basicly acute onset of nausea, vomitting and diarrhea.  Add to mine the chills and dehydration and I was pretty much a mess.  I am better now and back to work caring for more residents who too now have it.  It is really going around with employees getting this too.  I found myself yesterday needing a breath of fresh air outside and the feeling of "I cannot wait to get home" after cleaning up so many.  But at the very end of the day God blessed me as I had opportunity to pray with a woman.  The complainer of the facility - the one most people would rather not be around.  You see, I realized that I had asked Jesus for his eyes, for me to see people as he does.  He gave me his eyes with her.  She knows I am a Christian and I know she use to go to church, just never read her bible.  As she was complaining I simply told her that I would pray for her.  She thanked me.  As I was going to leave her room I was compelled to ask her if she would like me to pray with her before I left.  She quickly said yes.  I laid my hand on her back and prayed.  When I finished she seemed "softer" and she thanked me for praying for her.  I thank Jesus for these opportunities and thank him for using me.  I am loving my job more and more.


BIG BONUS - Since I started working I have lost 10 lbs.  Here that?  10 lbs.  That's 2 bags of flour. :)  That's alot.  You see, this is what God has taught me on this subject.  For a few years now I have been working so hard to drop some weight.  Exercise, diet...you name it, but barely anything comes off.  I would beat myself up, get discouraged and even cut myself down.  (You must know what I mean.) - Well after meeting, I will call her Paula, an 80ish year old woman, my perspective has completely changed.  You see Paula calls herself ugly almost every day.  She thinks people will laugh at her.  Some days she cannot even get out of bed to face herself.  Over time God began to show me a deeper understanding of inner beauty.  


1 Peter 3 says this about wives/women.   "Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."  You see what God has showed me is that when a woman speaks beauty about herself, when she is happy the way that God has made her, when her joy comes from within her - THAT IS WHAT BEAUTIFUL IS ALL ABOUT.  When we women speak poorly about ourselves that is what is unattractive.  Satan has really contorted beauty in us.  Let us all reclaim the truth.  We are his bride!!!  That should make all of us smile.


As for me, the weight fell off without me even realizing it.  Till one day I put on a pair of shorts and thought, "wow, my legs look thinner."  God needed to show me a deeper understanding of beauty and through it I feel so much healthier.  Healthier and a deeper love in my heart and confidence in the woman that he has made me.  I spoke something negative today about the way I was and it felt really weird.  I'm not sure why it came out but it tasted bad in my mouth.  I am so grateful to my heavenly Father for what he has done in me.  This is the best change a woman could ever ask for.  Not the weight loss but the change in my heart.


Oh, and by the way, a few weeks ago God opened up the door for me to tell Paula about Jesus.  It was the most exciting moment ever.  She asked me why I was working there, said I should be in some kind of ministry.  I simply told her, "well maybe I am here so I could tell you about Jesus."


Can I just say that I am blown away at how much God has shaped me!!  He is a good God!!
You are beautiful - THAT IS THE TRUTH!

I am back - for now at least!

It has been a long time since I blogged.  A long time.  But here I am tonight, sitting home alone after a long day of work.  Work - well that is a whole story in itself - as is my life.  Someone once told me that I am brave.  Well I can tell you that I don't feel very brave.  With a life that is walked daily in faith and some days a lack of the faith that I carried the day before.  Such is life I suppose.  Each day bringing something different, even different feelings, emotions and experiences.


My job as a nursing assistant is a tough job.  One of those jobs that pays little, your overworked, and you just plain work your butt off.  Some days I wonder why I am doing it under all those circumstances then God gives me a moment at work to remind me why I am there.  Yesterday there was a man who had just the day before returned from the hospital.  He is in rough shape, oxygen 24 hrs. a day and just alot of health issues.  I was walking past his room and noticed him sitting in his wheelchair and just felt compelled to stop in.  I knelt next to his wheelchair and asked him if there was anything that I could do for him.  He looked at me and said, "I am ready to meet the Lord."  Thus he opened the door and we began to talk.  He told me that he knows his Savior.  I asked him if he had a favorite bible verse and he said The Lord's Prayer.  I asked him if he knew Psalm 23 - he said not by heart - so I began to say it.  Tears filled my eyes as he began to say it along with me.  When we finished he said that he felt like I just prayed with him.  That night he was returned to the hospital.  I don't know how long he will live but I do know this - he will be in heaven and God placed me there to speak comfort to him.  So when I look at my meager paycheck I will remember moments like this.


Have you ever not liked what God was doing in your life?   Be  honest.  You know that God is working but it's just not the way you planned or anticipated.  Letting go of your plans is so hard to do.  You know the old saying "Let go and let God."  Easier said than done, right?  I wish I could say I had the answer all figured.  I ask you the question.  Has God EVER left you alone?  Is there a time when he would ever leave you?  God cannot leave his children.  He just cannot do it.  His promises throughout his word are true and he is faithful even when we are not.  I love Jesus.  I love him so much.  His love filling me up and I want more and more.  We can never reach the limit of knowing Jesus.  We can never get to a point when we have received all that he has to give.  We can never reach a point when we have experienced all his love, his kindness...his presence.  Sometimes when I am spending time with him, when I put everything else aside to just be in his presence I begin to just want more and I don't want to leave to do anything else.


You are loved more than you can imagine.  He will NEVER leave you.