Super sick - and Super Changed!

As I sit down to write right now I pray that God would lead all my words.  That he would open things up in my mind and in my heart.


As I look back on the last half year I can hardly believe what God has done in my life, in me personally.  It all began with the thought of going to school to become a Nursing Assistant.  Fear crippled me - God pushed me through.  Kept opening up doors for me and speaking to me direction.  Studying and exams were a huge challenge to me.  I finished the class with an A and soon began my pursuit for a job.  I must say that along the way I kept thinking "I cannot believe that I am going to be doing some of these things.  They are way out of my comfort zone."


In November I landed my first job.  Got my new scrubs. (So easy to get ready for work. :)  Once I was on my own, day by day, I became more efficient on the job.  Getting to know each of the residents and them getting to know me has been awesome.


Last weekend I was horribly sick with the Norovirus.  I got this from work - basicly acute onset of nausea, vomitting and diarrhea.  Add to mine the chills and dehydration and I was pretty much a mess.  I am better now and back to work caring for more residents who too now have it.  It is really going around with employees getting this too.  I found myself yesterday needing a breath of fresh air outside and the feeling of "I cannot wait to get home" after cleaning up so many.  But at the very end of the day God blessed me as I had opportunity to pray with a woman.  The complainer of the facility - the one most people would rather not be around.  You see, I realized that I had asked Jesus for his eyes, for me to see people as he does.  He gave me his eyes with her.  She knows I am a Christian and I know she use to go to church, just never read her bible.  As she was complaining I simply told her that I would pray for her.  She thanked me.  As I was going to leave her room I was compelled to ask her if she would like me to pray with her before I left.  She quickly said yes.  I laid my hand on her back and prayed.  When I finished she seemed "softer" and she thanked me for praying for her.  I thank Jesus for these opportunities and thank him for using me.  I am loving my job more and more.


BIG BONUS - Since I started working I have lost 10 lbs.  Here that?  10 lbs.  That's 2 bags of flour. :)  That's alot.  You see, this is what God has taught me on this subject.  For a few years now I have been working so hard to drop some weight.  Exercise, diet...you name it, but barely anything comes off.  I would beat myself up, get discouraged and even cut myself down.  (You must know what I mean.) - Well after meeting, I will call her Paula, an 80ish year old woman, my perspective has completely changed.  You see Paula calls herself ugly almost every day.  She thinks people will laugh at her.  Some days she cannot even get out of bed to face herself.  Over time God began to show me a deeper understanding of inner beauty.  


1 Peter 3 says this about wives/women.   "Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."  You see what God has showed me is that when a woman speaks beauty about herself, when she is happy the way that God has made her, when her joy comes from within her - THAT IS WHAT BEAUTIFUL IS ALL ABOUT.  When we women speak poorly about ourselves that is what is unattractive.  Satan has really contorted beauty in us.  Let us all reclaim the truth.  We are his bride!!!  That should make all of us smile.


As for me, the weight fell off without me even realizing it.  Till one day I put on a pair of shorts and thought, "wow, my legs look thinner."  God needed to show me a deeper understanding of beauty and through it I feel so much healthier.  Healthier and a deeper love in my heart and confidence in the woman that he has made me.  I spoke something negative today about the way I was and it felt really weird.  I'm not sure why it came out but it tasted bad in my mouth.  I am so grateful to my heavenly Father for what he has done in me.  This is the best change a woman could ever ask for.  Not the weight loss but the change in my heart.


Oh, and by the way, a few weeks ago God opened up the door for me to tell Paula about Jesus.  It was the most exciting moment ever.  She asked me why I was working there, said I should be in some kind of ministry.  I simply told her, "well maybe I am here so I could tell you about Jesus."


Can I just say that I am blown away at how much God has shaped me!!  He is a good God!!
You are beautiful - THAT IS THE TRUTH!

I am back - for now at least!

It has been a long time since I blogged.  A long time.  But here I am tonight, sitting home alone after a long day of work.  Work - well that is a whole story in itself - as is my life.  Someone once told me that I am brave.  Well I can tell you that I don't feel very brave.  With a life that is walked daily in faith and some days a lack of the faith that I carried the day before.  Such is life I suppose.  Each day bringing something different, even different feelings, emotions and experiences.


My job as a nursing assistant is a tough job.  One of those jobs that pays little, your overworked, and you just plain work your butt off.  Some days I wonder why I am doing it under all those circumstances then God gives me a moment at work to remind me why I am there.  Yesterday there was a man who had just the day before returned from the hospital.  He is in rough shape, oxygen 24 hrs. a day and just alot of health issues.  I was walking past his room and noticed him sitting in his wheelchair and just felt compelled to stop in.  I knelt next to his wheelchair and asked him if there was anything that I could do for him.  He looked at me and said, "I am ready to meet the Lord."  Thus he opened the door and we began to talk.  He told me that he knows his Savior.  I asked him if he had a favorite bible verse and he said The Lord's Prayer.  I asked him if he knew Psalm 23 - he said not by heart - so I began to say it.  Tears filled my eyes as he began to say it along with me.  When we finished he said that he felt like I just prayed with him.  That night he was returned to the hospital.  I don't know how long he will live but I do know this - he will be in heaven and God placed me there to speak comfort to him.  So when I look at my meager paycheck I will remember moments like this.


Have you ever not liked what God was doing in your life?   Be  honest.  You know that God is working but it's just not the way you planned or anticipated.  Letting go of your plans is so hard to do.  You know the old saying "Let go and let God."  Easier said than done, right?  I wish I could say I had the answer all figured.  I ask you the question.  Has God EVER left you alone?  Is there a time when he would ever leave you?  God cannot leave his children.  He just cannot do it.  His promises throughout his word are true and he is faithful even when we are not.  I love Jesus.  I love him so much.  His love filling me up and I want more and more.  We can never reach the limit of knowing Jesus.  We can never get to a point when we have received all that he has to give.  We can never reach a point when we have experienced all his love, his kindness...his presence.  Sometimes when I am spending time with him, when I put everything else aside to just be in his presence I begin to just want more and I don't want to leave to do anything else.


You are loved more than you can imagine.  He will NEVER leave you.

The Perfect Day

So today was just a great day.

This morning I woke up and took an exam for my online class.  I am getting way more layed back about these exams.  100%.  yea!  I stepped outside to feel the weather and knew that I wanted to take advantage of the great weather while it was here so I again went for a walk/run along the trail.  Pretty awesome.

Got home and decided to get some yard work done before I showered.  Pulled some dead plants, raked some leaves and started a bonfire to burn up alot of shrubs and branches that my husband has cleaned up.  (He was at work.)  As I walked back and forth between the bonfire and the pile that needed to be burned I would get this feeling - let me try to explain it.  The sky was blue, crisp, clean and the air was perfect.  The kind of temperature where you just need a thin long sleeve shirt.  No chill in the air, just a freshness.  I would breathe in the air into my lungs taking in the beauty around me.  I had the feeling of the perfect day. 

You see, my life has been in such transition for the past six months I can hardly put it all in to words and feelings.  I just got a job yesterday as a Nursing Assistant at an Assisted Living facility about 10 min. from my house.  Pretty awesome.  My husband just finished a week long training on Rescue.  (Don't ask me to explain his training, it's alot. :)  God is moving in our life and I love it.  Some days I am still left "wondering" but don't we all?  I cannot imagine being in this day without the presence of Jesus in my life.  He is all I need - he is my guide - and he does know all the plans that he has for my life.

He knows you too.

So today, I just breathed in his freshness in my perfect day!
As I was working this is the song that I was singing and it made me smile.  I hope you smile too.

This walk we call life!

This morning when I went out to get the mail I knew that today was the day for an outdoor workout.  It is beautiful.  So off I went for a good long walk with a little running along the way.  I love walking the trail along the river that flows across the street from our house.  It started out as just a good walk, enjoying walking in short sleeves and breathing in the fresh air.  As I started to pray I ended up being blessed by the most amazing prayer walk I have ever experienced and ended up walking way longer than I ususally do.  I have always loved nature and today God was using the nature all around me to speak to me.  I love that about God, that he will always meet with you.  All you have to do is come.  So simple, but we make it so hard sometimes.

Two things stand out to me.  This first picture speaks to the first one.  God made this.

 

He made the blue sky, he made the colors on the leaves, he made the beautiful fall smell in the air.  As I looked up and saw this I was so overwhelmed by the majesty of God.  I was reminded that I cannot do this.  I cannot put such a soft blue color in the sky.  I cannot make the leaves change colors and gently fall to the ground and crinkle under my feet.  I am in awe. 

The second was this image.  The barren tree with the blue sky.  Just cool.  Just because the tree is barren does not mean there is no beauty.  I use the word "cool" for this image. 

Both of these were reminders that in this walk we call life we will see many things along the way.  Take in the beauty that is around.  And do not look down, keep your eyes up.  I observed how easy it is to look down when your walking.  But also noticed what I see if I am just looking down.  The cement or the gravel, but when my eyes look up I can see all the beauty around me.  I can see others walking past me, I can see the river flowing and would have missed out on the beauty that was all around me.  I am so glad that God reminded me of this.  When the path seems scary, different or unknown just keep looking up for when you look down you miss out on what is all around you.

A few days ago I read this verse in Proverbs 15:13 and I just fell in love with this.  "A happy heart makes a cheerful face..." 

As I came around another turn in the trail I noticed two hawks soaring above me and felt like God was saying "just soar with me, enjoy the ride, follow me, I know where we are going to land."  As I came to last leg on my walk the words to this song popped into my head.  As I say this I speak it as a reminder to me and to you.  ENJOY THE RIDE!

Thorns

The other day I went for a much needed walk.  After spending the morning studying and preparing to take an online exam I just needed some good fresh air before the exam.  I love walking here because just down the road from our house is the river with a running/walking/biking trail that goes for 8 miles.  It's pretty in all seasons.  As I was coming near to were the trail begins I was struck by this tree on the side of the road.  I stopped and just looked at it.  (You can click on the image to enlarge it.)

I thought about Jesus - the crown of thorns that was put on his head.  I have never seen a tree with such big thorns.  Jesus endured this crown made out of thorns for me - for you.  Matthew 27:29 "and then twisting a crown of thorns, they put it on his head...they mocked him saying, "Hail, King of the Jews."

I cannot comprehend his love for me.  I cannot comprehend that he thought of me as he endured the suffering.  I cannot comprehend that he took all of my sin on himself.  I can only imagine the pain of just one of those thorns in my head.  Because of what Jesus did the following verse tells us what we receive.  Wow!

Isaiah 61:10  "I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels."

Lets live today claiming the truth - that we are forgiven and free. 

Fight - Fight

Have you ever been concerned about money/finances?  Have you ever been at a point in life when you didn't know how you were going to pay your next bill?  Have you ever been or are you at a point in life where finances are not a concern?  I've been on both ends.  I bring this topic up because I was reading in 1 Timothy this morning.  Paul is writing "Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world.  But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content.  But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction.  For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils." 

I found myself thinking that I don't desire to be rich so I'm ok.  NOT!  I felt convicted that even spending too much time focussing on money, even the basic needs and wondering where it will come from is harmful.  It can take my focus off what's important.  The next verse says that "many have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs."  Wouldn't that make sense that the more you give money much of your attention it often becomes a distraction and begins to become more of a challenge?  The definition of pang is 'a sudden feeling of mental or emotional distress or longing.'  One thought can lead to the next and pretty soon it has become monumental.

Here is where our attention should be.  A few verses later: "But as for you, O man of God, flee these things.  Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness.  Fight the good fight of faith."  Those in battle do not shrink back.  I want to fight the good fight of faith. 

Due to copyright I couldn't post this clip, only the link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUFJ30_Y0EM

You have a friend

I feel honored that my daughters call me their friend.  What greater gift could a mother receive.  I feel honored that they want to talk on the phone with me (even though I am not a fan of talking on the phone. :)) and that they want to hang out with me.  This past week I have been able to do this more as we have had both of our cars in Michigan for some much needed car repairs.  Our son in law works for a tire/car company and the discount is worth the drive.  Thanks Eric! 

My grandson is 2 1/2 and has discovered make believe play.  It's fun to play with him or just watch and listen to him in the next room.  He is happy to play with little characters and have conversations with them.  If one of them falls on the floor he quickly picks it up followed by "he's ok."  When we were getting ready to come home last night my husband picked up his shoes and began to untie the knots in the laces.  He looked at  him and said "no tie shoes."  He didn't want him to leave.  Why would he really - grandpa had time to sit on the sofa and play make believe with him.  They are buddies and it's the cutest thing ever.

 

Me and my grandson watching a duck.

As we spent time hanging out with our grandchildren (others to be featured in future blogs) and grown children, I was remined this morning of our friendship with Jesus.  I was reading John 15 this morning. "No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I call you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.  You did not choose me but I chose you..."  I am humbled that Jesus would call me his friend.  And I am even more humbled to know that Jesus has told us what he heard from God the Father.  Think about that.  All that Jesus heard from his Father he has told us.  WOW! 

I love that he is my friend.  He is yours too.